I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
