then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
