Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
