I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
