Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
