I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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