Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
