so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
