Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
