I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
