Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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