i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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