Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
