Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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