I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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