So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
