Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
