And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I deserve this hangover.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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