she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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