Moan for me like Helen Keller
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
be right there i have to get my cape
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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