Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
