I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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