kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
