Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
