ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
