I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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