I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
