I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
