I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just cropdusted the office
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
