she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
