this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pants are for mortals
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
