But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
