Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
