It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
