I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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