Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
