the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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