so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
