So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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