Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
