You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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