If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
