Will you blow on my dice?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
