someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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