Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
