her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
