When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
