i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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