she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
