just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
