I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
