Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
