Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
