Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
