I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I could fuck to npr.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
