Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
