I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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