Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
