so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
