ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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