Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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